A practical guide for millennial Christian leaders who want to connect better with senior leadership.

Let’s Be Honest

Let’s be honest—communicating with someone older than you in ministry can feel… awkward. Not because you don’t respect them, but because sometimes it’s hard to know what to say or how to say it. They’ve been in leadership longer. They’ve seen a lot. And maybe they don’t always understand where you’re coming from.

But here’s the thing: good communication isn’t just about age! It’s about wisdom. And as a millennial Christian leader, you’ve got to learn how to communicate upward in a way that’s clear, respectful, and real. Not fake-honoring or overly formal… just thoughtful and Spirit-led.

If you’re leading a ministry, working on staff at a church, or even just trying to offer a new idea in a room full of older leaders—you’re in the right place. Let’s talk about how to build bridges across generations, without losing your voice in the process.

Understanding Communication Styles Across Generations

Every generation has a different vibe when it comes to how they communicate. Some older leaders are all about structure and bullet points. Others prefer stories and relationships. Neither is wrong—but learning to read the room makes all the difference.

Here’s some ideas that I’ve come up with when trying to connect with senior leadership in the church:

• Figure out how they like to receive info. Do they want data? A quick summary? A face-to-face conversation instead of a text?
• Keep it simple but not shallow. Get to the point… but give enough context so it doesn’t feel rushed or disconnected.
• Use structure. Bullet points or a clear flow can help your ideas land better—especially if you’re sending an email or making a proposal.
• Listen. Like really listen. In meetings or hallway chats, pay attention to what they’re actually saying—not just what you think they mean.
• Honor goes a long way. Not just in titles, but in tone. You’re not challenging their authority—you’re adding value. There’s a big difference.

When you adjust how you communicate without changing who you are, you create space for trust. And trust… leads to influence.

Finding Your Voice Without Losing Respect

This part can feel tricky, right? You’ve got ideas. You’ve got passion. But you also don’t want to come off like a “know-it-all” millennial who thinks everything needs to be disrupted and digitized.

So how do you speak UP without overstepping?

For me, it comes down to two things: honor and honesty.

Let’s say you’re sitting in a staff meeting, and you’ve got an idea for changing how small groups are structured. Instead of blurting out, “We need to change this—it’s outdated,” you could say:

“I’ve been thinking about a few ways we might strengthen what’s already working. Could I share a thought?”

Same idea… different heart posture. You’re not bulldozing—you’re building.

And yeah… sometimes you’ll miss. You might overshare, or say something too softly when you should’ve been more direct. It happens. What matters is being willing to grow.

Over time, your voice becomes something older leaders want to hear… not because it’s loud, but because it’s thoughtful, humble, and grounded.

Common Communication Missteps to Avoid

Here are a few things I’ve seen (and done myself) that tend to derail good communication with older leaders in ministry:

1. Overusing email or text

Quick DMs are fine for logistics… but real conversations? They need real connection. Pick up the phone. Grab coffee. If it matters—make it personal.

2. Being too casual

We’re not trying to be stuffy—but throwing out phrases like “yo” or “whatever works” in a formal setting can feel off. Keep it relaxed, but don’t lose intentionality. Respect shows up in your tone.

3. Assuming shared meaning

Words like “growth” or “discipleship” might mean one thing to you… and something totally different to your senior pastor. Ask questions. Clarify. Don’t assume alignment—build it.

4. Going too fast

You might have a fresh idea, but if it sounds like a teardown of everything they’ve built? Not gonna land well. Honor what came before. Then offer what could come next.

Avoiding these doesn’t mean walking on eggshells. It just means leading with wisdom.

My Personal Framework for Upward Communication

Everyone needs a few go-to rhythms. Here’s three principles that I think will help when communicating with older leadership in ministry:

1. Listen first.

Not just with my ears, but with curiosity. Try to understand where they’re coming from before you even think about where  you want to go.

2. Be clear.

I’ve learned not to shrink my ideas down just to sound “humble.” Clarity isn’t pride—it’s helpful. Say it simply. Say it kindly. Then shut up and let it breathe.

3. Honor the human.

Not just the role. Even when there is disagreement, remember: this person has carried weight you’ve probably never seen. They’ve led in ways you haven’t yet. That deserves more than lip service—it deserves real respect.

Bonus: Keep James 1:19 close—“quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” I know that posture has saved me more times than I can count.

Conclusion

If you’re a millennial Christian leader, you don’t have to fake it or fold just to be heard by older leadership. You just need to learn the language… and more importantly, the posture.

Listen well. Speak clearly. Stay humble. And lead with honor.

Upward communication isn’t about impressing the people above you—it’s about partnering with them for the sake of the Kingdom. When you learn how to navigate those conversations with wisdom and grace, you don’t just survive leadership—you shape it.